Love Is a Choice

Daily Devotional by Rick Warren from Purpose Driven Connection


... That you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Deuteronomy 30:20 (NIV)

The birth of Jesus reflects the truth that love is a choice and a commitment. You choose to love or you choose not to love.

Today we've bought into this myth that love is uncontrollable, that it's something that just happens to us; it's not something we control. In fact, even the language we use implies the uncontrollability of love. We say, "I fell in love," as if love is some kind of a ditch. It's like I'm walking along one day and bam! - I fell in love. I couldn't help myself.

But I have to tell you the truth - that's not love. Love doesn't just happen to you. Love is a choice and it represents a commitment.

There's no doubt about it, attraction is uncontrollable and arousal is uncontrollable. But attraction and arousal are not love. They can lead to love, but they are not love. Love is a choice.

You must choose to love God; he won't force you to love him (Deuteronomy 30:20). You can thumb your nose at God and go a totally different way. You can destroy your life if you choose to do that. God still won't force you to love him. Because he knows love can't be forced.

And this same principle is true about your relationships: you can choose to love others, but God won't force you to love anyone.

5 Considerations Before You Say "I Love You"

What is love? Maybe you should ask Seal. The singer of Kiss from A Rose is starting to date Heidi Klum, an international top model since she was pregnant her first daughter, Leni. The biologist father of Leni is the Formula One's boss, Flavio Briatore never involved in Leni's life. Although Seal and Heidi have their own child, Henry, Seal always treats Leni as his own daughter.

So sweeeet... maybe that what will you say. In order to accept our couples completely, surely we need a deep understanding about the real concept of love. There are few things you need to consider before you say "I love you", such as:

Who is saying it first?

Now days, woman can also state her feelings to the man she likes. This is better than keeping it to yourself until one day he gets married with other woman. There is nothing wrong to say love first. However, make sure that he has the same feeling. There is nothing more disappointing than realizing that the man who close with you all this time actually don't have special feeling for you. If you not brave enough to say what you feel, it's okay, just give him signals that you likes him.

Are you really love him?
Try to remember, is there any friends, family, or yourself, who ever say "I love you" to their couples? Not really. You must be used to say "I love you" because you often hear it from movies, and it sounds so sweet. On the other hand, man also using this magic words to manipulate. For example, when you get upset because of his behavior, he says the words to melt your heart or to prevent you to leave him after you know he has an affair. Often times, people don't realize that they are being manipulative. Therefore, say the words when you really mean it.

Spontaneous or Planned?

The best way to say "I love you" is letting it grow in your heart, and spontaneously say it when you feel so passionate. You can suddenly say it as a surprise, or create a memorable moment. However, indeed, you should think longer when you want to say it for the first time. This will make you unconsiously planned when you should say it. Hmm rather confusing. Maybe spontaneous more exciting.

Is this the right time?

Heart beating because you want to say your feeling sometimes can ruin the situation. If you say it when your relationship is in the air, maybe there will be no problems. In fact, it will make him smile the whole day. However, a lot of men like casual relationship, so the words "I love you" can makes him worried. He might feel you are too fast to say it and he might think that you pressure him to marry you. You can fix what you have said, but he will still remember it.

Is it better to show it or say it?

Actions speak louder than words. A lot of couples, especially men, are not prioritize sweet words. The important thing, he can shows by what he do that he is really love you. If you compare your love to your family, maybe you never said "Love you, pa...", but you surely go home quickly when your father is lonely at home.

Realizing that there is someone who always be there when you need him will have a stronger meaning rather than hearing those theree words. It doesn't mean you have to forbid yourself in saying "I love you", but it will be more meaningful when you show it through your actions.

This is an article from http://female.kompas.com

10 Things I Hate About You

This is a poem from the movie "10 Things I Hate About You." It is an old movie, I can't remember the story but there was a time when the girl read her poem that I think is very touching and beautiful.

                   I hate the way you talk to me
                   And the way you cut your hair.
                   I hate the way you drive my car.
                   I hate it when you stare.
                   I hate your big dumb combat boots
                   And the way you read my mind.
                   I hate you so much it makes me sick.
                   It even makes me rhyme.

      
                   I hate it...
                   I hate the way you're always right.
                   I hate it when you lie.
                   I hate it when you make me laugh;
                   Even worse when you make me cry.

        
                   I hate it when you're not around
                   And the fact that you didn't call,
                   But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you;
                   Not even close;
                   Not even a little bit;
                   Not even at all.

One Sided Love

You always come on my mind
I don't know why this feeling is mine
I hate to stuck in this kind of game,
cause I don't wanna end up as the lame

It hurts to like someone who might not align,
but that the risk to find the special someone
I don't like to guess around the sign
I just want to be sure to choose the right one

I made a mistake before
I have lost my face and fame,
but today I'm not the victim anymore
I won't be tricked and put on a shame

Now finally I know how to play
Make sure I don't give all my heart away
Don't show I'm easy to pass like highway
Let my charm shine and make my own way

Sweet Memory

Roses are red,
the sun is yellow.
My face is turning red,
when I'm feeling mellow.

Starring at the moon so bright,
thinking of you all night.
I like our togetherness,
the time we share our happiness

Whenever I'm with you I feel comfy
cause I can become myself freely.
You are the caffeine in my coffee
cause I'm addicted to your company.

Hope this feeling will stay,
for I want to treasure these moments everyday.
Don't ever leave and go away,
for I don't think I'll survive another day.

My Love Languages

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others. Dr. Chapman's divides love languages into five categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Based on the quiz, here the result of my love languages:

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Physical Touch

My Detailed Results:
Physical Touch:	12
Quality Time:	8
Words of Affirmation:	5
Acts of Service:	3
Receiving Gifts:	2

About this quiz

It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

"Best Friend" or Lovers?

From my experience, I believe men and women can't be "best friend." If both of them are straight, I think either they are attracted to each other or just one of them who is attracted to the other. Thus, there is still some expectation that is more than a regular friend. Don't take me wrong here, I am not saying that girls can't have friendship with boys and hang out together. I am talking about a real best friend, the one who you count on and be on your side in good and bad times.

I believe there are still some lines that the opposite sex can share as a friend; if not we won't know the difference between best friends (boys-girls) and lovers. Although between them there are no physical touch and flirting, it's not a guarantee that your friendship is not more than a regular friendship because it also show on how you give attention. You can know that something is going on if you care and expect him/her more than any of your other friends.

Therefore, my advise if you really think of him/her nothing more than a friend, you should know the lines and be careful not to go beyond the lines that make your friend to read the wrong signal. On the other hand, if you realize that you like him/her more than a friend don't hesitate to be honest with your feeling and show it. You will never know the outcome, but surely you will regret if you don't give it a try. However, don't take that too extreme in making yourself looked corny and desperate. "Love will find the way if you try."

Love is blind, isn't it?

We often hear people say that love is blind, especially when we deeply falling in love with someone. All we see and hear about him/her would be always good and perfect. Even if he/she has something bad we will close our eyes and deny every negative things about him/her. We only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. However, I think there is some misconception about this idea. I believe when we really love someone, we won't be blind. Our eyes should be open more clearly and we can see both positive and negative things about him/her. Furthermore, we can accept him/her as he/she is with the good and the bad. We're not assuming and convincing ourselves that there is nothing negative about him/her, instead we are helping him/her to be a better person and letting them know their negative sides.

Maybe some people assume that we are blind because they cannot see something worthy in him/her as we do. So, who is the blind one then? Hmmm depend on our point of view...

Love Advice

Boys, be careful not to fall hard.
Don't be fooled by appearance.
She might has the face,
but that's not all the case.
Look down into her heart,
and you'll find her existence.

Girls, be careful not to rise.
Don't be fooled by sweet talking.
He might has the aptitude,
but that's not all the attitude.
Look down into his guise,
and you'll find his standing.

Love could be deceiving,
love could be manipulating.
Don't be blindly in love,
cause it will surely off.
Always ask God for insight,
so you'll choose with foresight.


This poem is a little advice for all my single friends out there. Hope you will find the best partner for life. GBU all!

Halloween Love Story

Some background about Halloween that I got from Wikipedia is describing Halloween as a yearly festival that came from ancient Celtic. It means "summer's end" and sometimes also regarded as "Celtic New Year." The celebration has some elements of a festival of the death since they believed the border between the world and the "other world" became thin on Halloween, allowing the spirits to pass through.

Halloween is coming, exactly on October 31. I personally don't celebrate Halloween, I think it's just a western culture and tradition. However, I want to share a little bit about a psycho true story about a women called "Black Widow," who unexpectedly has raped 10 guys. I think maybe it's more like a story of psycho sex addict girl. It's kind of creepy in some way, so I put this on the Halloween topic. hahahaha. I don't know maybe you can try to name her after you read the story.

I read the article from Indonesian newspaper (KOMPAS.com) on June 23, 2009 about her. It is said there was an eccentric lady, named Valeria K in Russia. She liked to collect poisonous spiders, so she was called "Black Widow," a giant spider who is wild to the opposite sex.

The police started to be suspicious when they got reports about the increasing amount of male's patients who suffered from clonidine poison and heavy trauma on their penis. They didn't remember what has happened except they were invited to an apartment by a pretty red haired woman to have a drink.

Valeria finally got caught by the police and she admitted her crime. But, there were still a question mark with her rape's method. She told the police that she attracted guys to come to her apartment for a drink and of course the guys also wanted to have sex with her.

She said that she mixed the drinks with clonidine that made them unconscious for 24 hours. However, before that she has tied their erected penis so it can stand straight for hours. Then, she raped them.

After that she abandoned the guys on desolated area and when they woke up, they didn't remember anything except meeting with a pretty lady.

Hmmm what do you think, guys? Is that scary or exciting?

Love Betrayal

Don't you remember
the love that we used to share
Don't you remember
how you used to care

Why you made me mourn
Why you let my heart torn
You broke your vow
You played so low

I thought you were faithful
in fact you made me a fool
You hurt me so bad
You turned me happy to sad

But surely I will keep on living
Cause God will do the healing
I won't let you hurt me more
Cause I love you no more


Dedicated for everyone who was betrayed by their lover...

Waiting

Last night I made this poem because I didn't feel sleepy yet. Actually this poem is dedicated to all my single friends, especially guys who thirsty of woman's touch. hahahhaha.

Clock is ticking, night is coming.
It's time to have a good night sleep.
Yet my eyes are still starring,
thinking about you so deep.

I know you are there,
waiting for destiny to run.
When we be together somewhere,
we would share the fun.

Don't be so worry,
let's slow down the hurry.
Be patient all loners,
love is waiting around the corner.

First Love

It is always exciting to hear first love stories. Many people call them "Puppy love" because mostly it happens when we were teenagers, when we started to have a crush on the opposite sex. I believe all of us have a bittersweet memories of them and we will always remember and treasure it until we get old.

I want to share a little bit about my own first love story. It was in high school that I finally had a relationship for the fist time. I know him since junior high, but we never really hang out together until I met him again in high school. We were class mates and he was sitting next to me, so we often got together with some other friends whenever there were a group project or discussion.

Therefore, we started to go out more often and he also called me sometimes. Until one day he asked me out on a date and we watched movie together. When he dropped me at my house, suddenly he didn't let me go and he asked me whether I wanted to be his girlfriend. I was surprised and didn't know what to say, so he gave me time to think about it.

After that I hurried up to call my best friend and told her about everything. I was so excited since that was my first time. And the ridiculous thing I decided to wait for a good timing to say "yes" and made us official, which was on March 3, 2003 at 3.00 AM. hahhaha. I think that was so "Puppy love" and stupid of course.

Please don't laugh at me, I know you all have your own stupid time in your relationship. :)

True Love

God created man and woman to be a suitable helper for each other(Gen 2:18-22). We know that God has prepared someone for each of us, but the question is how do we know that he/she is the one for us? How if we mistakenly pick someone, who isn't our soul mate? And is that even possible to end up with someone, who isn't meant to be with us? How about people with a "gift of singleness"? I don't know the answer exactly, but I want to share my opinion about this matter.

True love is about sacrifices like Jesus died on the cross for our sins, which is the biggest love that ever exist(John 3:16). I don't say that we have to do the same if we want to love others, we are nothing compared to Jesus. However, the love that God has shown us is our guidance how we should love, which is sacrificially. Therefore, instead of finding Mr/Mrs right to satisfy our needs, we are the one who should prepare ourselves to be Mr/Mrs right. We can't depend on our mate to satisfy our needs because he/she is mere human that imperfect and will disappoint us one day. We can only depend on God in every aspect of our life since He is trustworthy and His love never changed.

Preparing ourselves to be Mr/Mrs right doesn't means that we will be perfect to our lover. We just keep learning to be better by focusing to serve others rather than our selves. Of course by serving others doesn't means we give whatever he/she demands, we should know what is the best for him/her and give our best support to help him/her to achieve that. This include our rebuke when he/she falls in bad habit or something that estrange him/her from God.

In conclusion, we need to focus on our relationship with God first, before we be able to understand love and to love others. And for a gift of singleness, I believe only a chosen one who is given the gift so that he/she can be used by God amazingly, just like Mother Teresa for example.

I know I still have unanswered questions, but one thing for sure, God always wants the best for us and He never intended to harm and neglect us, for He have plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and future (Jer 29:11). So, be patient and build deeper relationship with God because He makes things beautiful in time. DEO GRATIAS!!!

Falling...

This poem is dedicated for my friend, who is being denial that he might be falling into someone. He keep saying that they can't be together, but you know actions always speak louder than words. hahahha

I can't remember when I met you
But surely I noticed you
Your bright eyes make me curious
Your beautiful smile make me glorious

The more I know you, the more I adore you
We keep saying we're friends,
but I treat you more than a fans
Sometimes I meet you secretly,
for I can't admit our connection openly

I don't believe I'm falling,
but I can't resist your calling
People say I'm jumping to crevasse,
I don't realize 'cause it happen so fast

I hope I can survive,
not to slip into the hole
Because I can't turn back my life,
if junior comes to roll

Till the end by Chen Da Wei

This is a song from OST The Outsiders, a Taiwanese drama that I watched few years ago. The story was so so, but I like this song until now. I think it has a beautiful lyrics and also very nice to hear.

All these precious moments
With you by my side
Must be a give from heaven
That's holding me all night
I don't know how I found you
I'm thankful that I have
That I have a love so true
To hold, to keep, to share

Reff
In my heart...
I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I'll always be with you until the very end

In this world...
There is no place I'd rather be
You are my life, my soul, my girl
And through it all
I know you've come to see, that you're the one
Till the end

All my friends around me
Say you'd be gone too soon
Baby, I'm gonna make them see
We've found our way back home

Back to Reff

We'll always be...
Till the end

Forbidden Love

This poem is dedicated for my ex. Our love didn't last, but it sure was a blast. I believe we will find someone better that God has prepared for us...

Knowing you is my priviledge
Loving you is a blessing
Though our love is on the edge
I want to keep on trying

I believe this wasn't a coincidence
To stuck with you in this condition
I know God gave me previous experience
So that I can face similar situation

My parents may not approve
But our connection grows stronger
I hope one day we will prove
That we belong to each other

God please hear my prayer
I want us to be together
But whatever your will is, I surrender
For I have faith on You forever

Hearing your name make me sad...
Remembering your name make me afraid...
But knowing what you have made me feels, make me glad...