Love Is a Choice

Daily Devotional by Rick Warren from Purpose Driven Connection


... That you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Deuteronomy 30:20 (NIV)

The birth of Jesus reflects the truth that love is a choice and a commitment. You choose to love or you choose not to love.

Today we've bought into this myth that love is uncontrollable, that it's something that just happens to us; it's not something we control. In fact, even the language we use implies the uncontrollability of love. We say, "I fell in love," as if love is some kind of a ditch. It's like I'm walking along one day and bam! - I fell in love. I couldn't help myself.

But I have to tell you the truth - that's not love. Love doesn't just happen to you. Love is a choice and it represents a commitment.

There's no doubt about it, attraction is uncontrollable and arousal is uncontrollable. But attraction and arousal are not love. They can lead to love, but they are not love. Love is a choice.

You must choose to love God; he won't force you to love him (Deuteronomy 30:20). You can thumb your nose at God and go a totally different way. You can destroy your life if you choose to do that. God still won't force you to love him. Because he knows love can't be forced.

And this same principle is true about your relationships: you can choose to love others, but God won't force you to love anyone.

5 Considerations Before You Say "I Love You"

What is love? Maybe you should ask Seal. The singer of Kiss from A Rose is starting to date Heidi Klum, an international top model since she was pregnant her first daughter, Leni. The biologist father of Leni is the Formula One's boss, Flavio Briatore never involved in Leni's life. Although Seal and Heidi have their own child, Henry, Seal always treats Leni as his own daughter.

So sweeeet... maybe that what will you say. In order to accept our couples completely, surely we need a deep understanding about the real concept of love. There are few things you need to consider before you say "I love you", such as:

Who is saying it first?

Now days, woman can also state her feelings to the man she likes. This is better than keeping it to yourself until one day he gets married with other woman. There is nothing wrong to say love first. However, make sure that he has the same feeling. There is nothing more disappointing than realizing that the man who close with you all this time actually don't have special feeling for you. If you not brave enough to say what you feel, it's okay, just give him signals that you likes him.

Are you really love him?
Try to remember, is there any friends, family, or yourself, who ever say "I love you" to their couples? Not really. You must be used to say "I love you" because you often hear it from movies, and it sounds so sweet. On the other hand, man also using this magic words to manipulate. For example, when you get upset because of his behavior, he says the words to melt your heart or to prevent you to leave him after you know he has an affair. Often times, people don't realize that they are being manipulative. Therefore, say the words when you really mean it.

Spontaneous or Planned?

The best way to say "I love you" is letting it grow in your heart, and spontaneously say it when you feel so passionate. You can suddenly say it as a surprise, or create a memorable moment. However, indeed, you should think longer when you want to say it for the first time. This will make you unconsiously planned when you should say it. Hmm rather confusing. Maybe spontaneous more exciting.

Is this the right time?

Heart beating because you want to say your feeling sometimes can ruin the situation. If you say it when your relationship is in the air, maybe there will be no problems. In fact, it will make him smile the whole day. However, a lot of men like casual relationship, so the words "I love you" can makes him worried. He might feel you are too fast to say it and he might think that you pressure him to marry you. You can fix what you have said, but he will still remember it.

Is it better to show it or say it?

Actions speak louder than words. A lot of couples, especially men, are not prioritize sweet words. The important thing, he can shows by what he do that he is really love you. If you compare your love to your family, maybe you never said "Love you, pa...", but you surely go home quickly when your father is lonely at home.

Realizing that there is someone who always be there when you need him will have a stronger meaning rather than hearing those theree words. It doesn't mean you have to forbid yourself in saying "I love you", but it will be more meaningful when you show it through your actions.

This is an article from http://female.kompas.com

10 Things I Hate About You

This is a poem from the movie "10 Things I Hate About You." It is an old movie, I can't remember the story but there was a time when the girl read her poem that I think is very touching and beautiful.

                   I hate the way you talk to me
                   And the way you cut your hair.
                   I hate the way you drive my car.
                   I hate it when you stare.
                   I hate your big dumb combat boots
                   And the way you read my mind.
                   I hate you so much it makes me sick.
                   It even makes me rhyme.

      
                   I hate it...
                   I hate the way you're always right.
                   I hate it when you lie.
                   I hate it when you make me laugh;
                   Even worse when you make me cry.

        
                   I hate it when you're not around
                   And the fact that you didn't call,
                   But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you;
                   Not even close;
                   Not even a little bit;
                   Not even at all.

One Sided Love

You always come on my mind
I don't know why this feeling is mine
I hate to stuck in this kind of game,
cause I don't wanna end up as the lame

It hurts to like someone who might not align,
but that the risk to find the special someone
I don't like to guess around the sign
I just want to be sure to choose the right one

I made a mistake before
I have lost my face and fame,
but today I'm not the victim anymore
I won't be tricked and put on a shame

Now finally I know how to play
Make sure I don't give all my heart away
Don't show I'm easy to pass like highway
Let my charm shine and make my own way

Sweet Memory

Roses are red,
the sun is yellow.
My face is turning red,
when I'm feeling mellow.

Starring at the moon so bright,
thinking of you all night.
I like our togetherness,
the time we share our happiness

Whenever I'm with you I feel comfy
cause I can become myself freely.
You are the caffeine in my coffee
cause I'm addicted to your company.

Hope this feeling will stay,
for I want to treasure these moments everyday.
Don't ever leave and go away,
for I don't think I'll survive another day.

My Love Languages

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others. Dr. Chapman's divides love languages into five categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Based on the quiz, here the result of my love languages:

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Physical Touch

My Detailed Results:
Physical Touch:	12
Quality Time:	8
Words of Affirmation:	5
Acts of Service:	3
Receiving Gifts:	2

About this quiz

It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

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"Best Friend" or Lovers?

From my experience, I believe men and women can't be "best friend." If both of them are straight, I think either they are attracted to each other or just one of them who is attracted to the other. Thus, there is still some expectation that is more than a regular friend. Don't take me wrong here, I am not saying that girls can't have friendship with boys and hang out together. I am talking about a real best friend, the one who you count on and be on your side in good and bad times.

I believe there are still some lines that the opposite sex can share as a friend; if not we won't know the difference between best friends (boys-girls) and lovers. Although between them there are no physical touch and flirting, it's not a guarantee that your friendship is not more than a regular friendship because it also show on how you give attention. You can know that something is going on if you care and expect him/her more than any of your other friends.

Therefore, my advise if you really think of him/her nothing more than a friend, you should know the lines and be careful not to go beyond the lines that make your friend to read the wrong signal. On the other hand, if you realize that you like him/her more than a friend don't hesitate to be honest with your feeling and show it. You will never know the outcome, but surely you will regret if you don't give it a try. However, don't take that too extreme in making yourself looked corny and desperate. "Love will find the way if you try."